This is an exchange between my boss and I. Fun stuff, I say, fun stuff.

To My Dear Friend Jeff Loop,

It was a dark and stormy night. After driving many miles through rain, lightning and thunder, I arrived at my humble abode. Exhausted as I was after such an arduous journey, I could barely make it into my house. I was very happy to see my beautiful wife and son and greeted each of them with a kiss and long hug. They each looked at me with a smile and I knew I was truly happy to be home.

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Having worked (currently working) in retail, I have come to really understand that nothing is shocking. Mix necessities with the general public and you have a front row seat to the greatest show on earth. Unlike rummage sales, which provides me with a voyeuristic glimpse into the lives, real or recreated in my head, of ordinary folks, the retail outlet store is a place where people aren't guarded and are how they are in real life.

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Why is it that the smallest things can cause the biggest reactions? Typically, I am not an angry person or live on the brink of having the biggest meltdown this side of 3 Mile Island. But, sometimes, there are things people do or say that make me want to hand out business sized cards that simply read “Just Don't”.

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Dear Bed,

Oh how I love you. I love to lay upon you and bury my head into your soft giant pillows. Our flesh touching and you accepting me into you. And, as morning calls, you wish not for me to leave you but I must. I will return to you, with my hot, South American love, coffee. You accept her and she, you. Our blissful menage trois could last forever but, alas, it will not. Sadness, infinite sadness. Night is but a few hours away and the thought of you puts a little smile upon my face.

Yours always,

Jeff